For those members with daughters

[OakRidgeStars]

I would have posted this in the joke thread, but someone might want to actually use it.

--

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected, unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and
current medical report from your doctor.

NAME____________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT_______ WEIGHT_______ IQ_______ GPA_________

SOCIAL SECURITY #______________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_____________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________________

HOME ADDRESS___________________ CITY/STATE________ ZIP_____

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
___________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ____
If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND
LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend __________________________________________

How often you attend _______________________________________


When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:
______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
____________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

________________________ ____________________________
Mother's Signature
Father's Signature

_________________________ ____________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State
Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not
try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you
injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two
gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your
back).


To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.

Daddy's Rules for Dating my Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them from you.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their
hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your
friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door
with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will
not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact
come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my
electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing
a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it
comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an
indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my
daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will
continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you
make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be
on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting
on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden
Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something
useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing,
holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm
enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts,
or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -
zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes
are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games
are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I
am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel,
and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in
my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring
my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit
the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely
and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come
inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[gfost1]

I would have posted this in the joke thread, but someone might want to actually use it.

--

Thanks, Jay,

Is that document available as a fill-in PDF?

Regards,

George

[fireman836]

Thanks, Jay,

Is that document available as a fill-in PDF?

Regards,

George

Here ya go George PDF form file Attached.
John

[LFS]

Oh my goodness that was funny!

Rule #3 had me on the floor!

[gfost1]

Thanks, Jay,

Is that document available as a fill-in PDF?

Regards,

George

Here ya go George PDF form file Attached.
John

Thanks, John

That should save a few trees, and maybe some young man's well-being.

Regards,

George

[06bolton5pt3]

hahaha!

Even though im only 21, i laughed. Cause i understand my generation is a bunch of dipshits. Baggy pants, lip-rings, eyebrow rings, tattoos all over their body, acting "ghetto", and etc is now accepted and "cool". Sorry i still respect my parents, wear my jeans just right, say yes and no ma'm or sir, and listen to country music Guess i should also say I'm glad my parents raised me better than what i see today. Cause when i was young if i misbehaved i got a country ass whoopin' and a belt

But i do have bigger than stock tires on my truck....

[zephyp]

I am so sorry that both of my daughters are grown and gone. If they were here and dating I would indeed use that....

If anyone does please fill us in on what the young man does...

[Paliden]

I cut and pasted this in a email and sent it to my son who is father to my granddaughter. I'm sure this will be taken seriously. REALLY it will. The hunter has become the hunted.

[gfost1]

Sorry i still respect my parents, wear my jeans just right, say yes and no ma'm or sir, and listen to country music :thumbsup: Guess i should also say I'm glad my parents raised me better than what i see today.

Howdy, Aaron,

Shame you're not a little younger; I'd like to introduce you to my oldest daughter...

...after you successfully complete the application process!

Regards,

George

[Vahunter]

hahaha!

Even though im only 21, i laughed. Cause i understand my generation is a bunch of dipshits. Baggy pants, lip-rings, eyebrow rings, tattoos all over their body, acting "ghetto", and etc is now accepted and "cool". Sorry i still respect my parents, wear my jeans just right, say yes and no ma'm or sir, and listen to country music Guess i should also say I'm glad my parents raised me better than what i see today. Cause when i was young if i misbehaved i got a country ass whoopin' and a belt

But i do have bigger than stock tires on my truck....

I have two daughters, you want to meet them ?

That's the problem with today's kids, not enough 'country ass whoopins'.

[fireman836]

snip

That's the problem with today's kids, not enough 'country ass whoopins'.

+1

[Fordmechanic]

When my niece became old enough to date, my brother would meet the suitor at the front door and ask him to hand over his wallet. he would then examine it for prophylactics, or evidence thereof then take the contents out and take at LEAST 20-40 dollars out. he would then tell the suitor that she was to be home at a certain time, if she was home more than 1 min late, the suitor would forfeit the money my brother had collected out of his wallet. THANK GOD I HAVE 2 SONS!