Subject: Times are tough....
A Florida couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? '
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. '
He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row.
The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry,but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married; so we can't go to her house.
I'm married; and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.
SHAME ON YOU FOR LAUGHING AT THAT! TIMES ARE TOUGH!!!
A Place To Tell Jokes
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allingeneral
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wylde007
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
You neglected to inform that the guest judge is a weaselly wuss from New York City.SnakeEater wrote:Chili Cook-off Judge
And the newest slavery is to keep the people poor, and stupid.
Novus Ordo Seclorum
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Moccasin
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
New York City? Couldn't have been from Chicago?wylde007 wrote:You neglected to inform that the guest judge is a weaselly wuss from New York City.SnakeEater wrote:Chili Cook-off Judge
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wylde007
- Sharp Shooter
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
The one I'm familiar with is NYC.Moccasin wrote:New York City? Couldn't have been from Chicago?
I suppose almost any Yankee stronghold could be substituted.
And the newest slavery is to keep the people poor, and stupid.
Novus Ordo Seclorum
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Moccasin
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
I though that some of the recently "exported" politicians from Chicago fit the weasully wuss category rather well, but you are correct that any Yankee stronghold could be substitured.wylde007 wrote:The one I'm familiar with is NYC.
I suppose almost any Yankee stronghold could be substituted.
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
CHINESE SICK LEAVE: 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything
better and I go to work... You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel Great. I be at work soon....... You got
nice house'.
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything
better and I go to work... You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You
say and I feel Great. I be at work soon....... You got
nice house'.
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'Paw, what's that?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my whole life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is. While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..........
'Boy..................go gitcha Momma........
The boy asked, 'Paw, what's that?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my whole life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is. While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..........
'Boy..................go gitcha Momma........
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The cowboy replies,
'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,
'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
'Oh, no, everybody's just fine,' he explains,
'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'
'Hasn't affected my brothers though.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'
The cowboy replies,
'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,
'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
'Oh, no, everybody's just fine,' he explains,
'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'
'Hasn't affected my brothers though.
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OakRidgeStars
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
The Husband Store:
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman can go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
=================================
The Wives store is across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman can go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
=================================
The Wives store is across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
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OakRidgeStars
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were
done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter
what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . .
Kill her!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun
and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't
kill my wife." The agent sa id, "You don't have what it takes.
Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were
done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter
what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . .
Kill her!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun
and went into the room. All was quiet for a bout 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't
kill my wife." The agent sa id, "You don't have what it takes.
Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL:
Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.
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OakRidgeStars
- VGOF Gold Supporter
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor? Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'
Son: 'You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'
Wife: 'You are not taking that to the taxidermist.
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor? Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think? What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
Redneck's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'
Son: 'You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'
Wife: 'You are not taking that to the taxidermist.
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OakRidgeStars
- VGOF Gold Supporter
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- Joined: Sun, 22 Mar 2009 10:13:20
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
A senior citizen drove a brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
‘Amazing’, he thought as he flew down I-85, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
Suddenly he thought. ‘What am I doing? I’m too old for this,’ and pulled over to wait for the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said,
‘Sir, today’s Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a good reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go’.
The old gentleman paused. Then said, ‘Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper.
I thought you were bringing her back.’
‘Have a good day sir.’ Replied the trooper.
Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
‘Amazing’, he thought as he flew down I-85, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.
Suddenly he thought. ‘What am I doing? I’m too old for this,’ and pulled over to wait for the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said,
‘Sir, today’s Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a good reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go’.
The old gentleman paused. Then said, ‘Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper.
I thought you were bringing her back.’
‘Have a good day sir.’ Replied the trooper.
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
DEA and a Montana rancher
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Montana to talk with an old Rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for Illegally grown drugs."
The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the Authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life, chased close behind by the rancher's prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get horned before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs, "Your badge! Show him your badge!"
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Montana to talk with an old Rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for Illegally grown drugs."
The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the Authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"
The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life, chased close behind by the rancher's prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get horned before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs, "Your badge! Show him your badge!"
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
New Barber
A popular Des Moines Barber shop had a new robotic barber installed. A fellow came in for a haircut. As the
robot began to cut his hair it asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to
make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The man listened intently and
said, "This is really cool."
Later, another gent came in for a haircut and the robot asked him as it began the haircut, "What's your IQ?" The
man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about football, baseball, and so on. The man thought to
himself, Wow, this is really cool."
Later on, a third guy came in to the barbershop. As with the others, the robot barber asked him, "What's your
IQ?" The man replied, "70." The robot then said, "So, I understand you Democrats are really excited about
having Obama for President.
A popular Des Moines Barber shop had a new robotic barber installed. A fellow came in for a haircut. As the
robot began to cut his hair it asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to
make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The man listened intently and
said, "This is really cool."
Later, another gent came in for a haircut and the robot asked him as it began the haircut, "What's your IQ?" The
man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about football, baseball, and so on. The man thought to
himself, Wow, this is really cool."
Later on, a third guy came in to the barbershop. As with the others, the robot barber asked him, "What's your
IQ?" The man replied, "70." The robot then said, "So, I understand you Democrats are really excited about
having Obama for President.
-
OakRidgeStars
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Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in
the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 Models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the
extra 50 thousand if it's really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in
the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 Models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the
extra 50 thousand if it's really a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
Home Depot Scam A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think
It couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car
as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag
and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts... It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them
climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also February
1st & 4th, Twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 30th, three times last weekend and very likely again this
upcoming Monday.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each~~I found cheaper ones for $1..99
at K-Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds..
I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think
It couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car
as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag
and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts... It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them
climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen January 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also February
1st & 4th, Twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 30th, three times last weekend and very likely again this
upcoming Monday.
So tell your friends to be careful.
P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each~~I found cheaper ones for $1..99
at K-Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds..
I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot
Improvise, Overcome, Adapt
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
Adult Diaries
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made
plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with
my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the
fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go
somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he
didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said,
'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he
was upset. ; He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing
to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled
slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his
behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I
love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had
lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me
anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He
continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to
bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise,
he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still
felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere
else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
=================
HIS DIARY:
My Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.
HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made
plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with
my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the
fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go
somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he
didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said,
'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he
was upset. ; He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing
to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled
slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his
behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I
love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had
lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me
anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He
continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to
bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise,
he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still
felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere
else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't know what to do.
I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
=================
HIS DIARY:
My Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.
Improvise, Overcome, Adapt
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensivedouble-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from thecontractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had beencompleted a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Helllooooo,... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I amautomatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking salesguy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay forthemselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally justhung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
Improvise, Overcome, Adapt
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach
Re: A Place To Tell Jokes
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after
midnight. While en route home he asks the cabbie if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabbie agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabbie tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Rams tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and
HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabbie and says, 'What would you do?'
The cabbie replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before
he catches cold.
midnight. While en route home he asks the cabbie if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabbie agrees.
Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabbie tip toe into the bedroom.
The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.
HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season Rams tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for our country club membership, and
HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.
He looks over at the cabbie and says, 'What would you do?'
The cabbie replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before
he catches cold.
Improvise, Overcome, Adapt
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.
T Jefferson
4-H Certified Shotgun, Rifle, Pistol, Archery & Muzzleloading Instructor
NRA/ATA Shotgun Coach