OLD BUT A LONG WAY SHY OF DEAD.

[dorminWS]

AN OLD MAN WALKED UP AND TIED HIS OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS HE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HIS FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD MAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD MAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"

THE OLD MAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."

A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD COOT, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD MAN'S FEET.

THE OLD MAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HIS TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.

THE OLD MAN TURNED TO HIS PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.
THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.

THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD MAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.

THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD MAN'S HANDS, AS HE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"

THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO SIR... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO."

THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:

1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.

[AlanM]

A few months later the same old miner came back into town with the same mule, walked up to the same saloon, and tied up the mule to the same hitching rail.

He walked around behind the mule, lifted his tail, and kissed the mule's ass.

He then entered the saloon and order a whiskey.

The bartender having witnessed this entire episode asked, "Old timer, I've got to know. Why did you kiss your mule's ass."

The old man replied, "I've got a bad case of chapped lips."

To which the bartender responded, "Does that help your lips heal?"

The man explained, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."