I'm allowed to poke fun at rednecks;.... but....

[dorminWS]

........y'all in them big cities ain't.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4.. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya' sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance..
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose unless you wind duct tape around them.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. A lady should always remove the cigarette from her mouth while telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
7. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

[BlackKnight]

Everybody knows you don't take a beer to an interview. You take two beers to an interview. One for you and one for the interviewer.

[SHMIV]

Heh.

Incidentally, being as how I was born in the South, have Virginian ancestry that predates the Revolution (and some the predates the arrival of white folk), drive a truck, and have lived in a camper in a Walmart parking lot, I reckon that I'm allowed to poke a little fun at Rednecks, too.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[wittmeba]

Thank you both for the laughs.

[dusterdude]

Now thats funny

[Reverenddel]

You know what I remember from my redneck childhood?

BB guns... at age 8, you're given your own BB Gun, and a list of "varmints to keep out the garden".

And they wonder why Southern kids make the best military folk! HAHAAH

[Ironbear]

...at age 8, you're given your own BB Gun, and a list of "varmints to keep out the garden".

What a flashback you just gave me! Once, my younger brother used my BB gun to "varmit" our mom, in the rear, bending over in the garden!!!

I thought I was going to lose my BB gun forever... and my brother!!!

Whooee! What a ruckus! What a memory!

[Reverenddel]

yeeeaaahhhh, I "varminted" my mom in the foot once when she said "That thing better not be loaded". Pointed it at the ground, pulled trigger, BB popped her in the foot.

9 years old, and I have never pointed a weapon at ANYONE again!