Anger Management

[Taggure]

In Todays world you have to control your anger and not let it get the better of you, So you let it get the better of those that deserve it!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right damn number!' And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, 'You're an ass!' And hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'ass' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an ass!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'ass' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled, 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an ass!' And hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ass (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW ass, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd., in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?'

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Don, you're an ass!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called ass #1.

He said, 'Hello'

I said, 'You're an ass!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah!'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me'

I said, 'Make me.'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'ass, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd., in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, ass,' and hung up.

Then I called ass #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, ass,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass'

I answered, 'Well, ass, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work

[OakRidgeStars]

Only a ass wouldn't have caller ID

[HighExpert]

It must be nice to have so much time to make trouble for others. I agree that we have many folks who don't know how to behave in a polite society and I would say you are one of them. You noticed I didn't have to call you any names since you already know what is going on inside of you. I would suggest some outside help before you do something you can't take back or run into someone who will not put up with your juvenile activities. I speak as one who had anger problems in my past. I have learned that life can be lots better is you learn to ignore the aggravating folks and laugh at the ones who can't get control of themselves. I am laughing, not at your story, but at you. Hove a good day.

[Reverenddel]

Are ya' kidding? Dude, RELAX! This joke has been passed around on the inturwebz for YEARS!

Dear GAWD! Lighten UP!

[jjord014]

You're a genius

[dorminWS]

Are ya' kidding? Dude, RELAX! This joke has been passed around on the inturwebz for YEARS!

Dear GAWD! Lighten UP!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thanks for taking up for me, Rev. I'm trying my dead-level best to find it in my heart to forgive this feller.

I ain't mad at him because he thinks I'm the ass that actually did all that stuff in what everybody but him recognized as just a funny story. Bless his heart. He's got enough trouble already; somebody has obviously peed in his cornflakes this morning, or he wouldn't have such a bad case of the red-ass.

But to tell the truth, I'm more than a little P.O.'ed that he thinks I'm from Northern Virginia. THAT's an insult; and I'm gonna have to chaw on that for a while before I can swallow it.

[Reverenddel]

Wait... what? He thought you were from that bastion of progressive commie shiznit, AKA "Northern Virginia"?!?!

Oh heeeeeelllll no!

That's like insulting ya' mama, Dorm! YOU CANNOT LET THAT STAND! THEM'S IS FIGHTIN' WORDS!

[Taggure]

Are ya' kidding? Dude, RELAX! This joke has been passed around on the inturwebz for YEARS!

Dear GAWD! Lighten UP!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thanks for taking up for me, Rev. I'm trying my dead-level best to find it in my heart to forgive this feller.

I ain't mad at him because he thinks I'm the ass that actually did all that stuff in what everybody but him recognized as just a funny story. Bless his heart. He's got enough trouble already; somebody has obviously peed in his cornflakes this morning, or he wouldn't have such a bad case of the red-ass.

But to tell the truth, I'm more than a little P.O.'ed that he thinks I'm from Northern Virginia. THAT's an insult; and I'm gonna have to chaw on that for a while before I can swallow it.

I thought that he was taking it out on me since I was the one that posted it. Now I do live in NOVA only cause I would hate the drive to and from work each day from futher south then I am now, but my buddy from Kentucky sent that to me and I laughed so hard at it I just had to share it with you all. You know here in NOVA there is a lot of Anger on the Roads e very chance to laugh will decrease the anger.

[dorminWS]

Taggure,

to tell the truth, I read your post and I thought it was so funny I copied it and forwarded it to some buddies. Then when I saw the flame over it, I slipped a mental cog and had it in my head he was flaming a post of mine instead of yours. But you are welcome to consider that I was just taking up for you.

[Taggure]

Well I thank you very Kindly there Sir

[Taggure]

You are right it was funny as hell

[thekinetic]

That's funny!

I am like my pop-pop as my daddy has said on many occassions, including his ability to hold a grudge indeffinatly. Yeah there are several people whose guts I still hate.

[Reverenddel]

I sometimes forget... NoVa isn't "NoVa" COMPLETE! I have been in King George, Orange, and some other backwoods areas in NoVa that are as COUNTRY as I grew up!

So let's narrow this a tad.

"FRAKIN' URBAN/SUBURBAN NOVA"

AKA "FUSN" Cuz they're ALWAYS "Fussin'," About us "Locals" who are too "country" for their country!

[WRW]

NoVa used to cut off around Woodbridge. VRE brought it south of the Rappahannock.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

[HighExpert]

All right, I apologize for jumping the gun, so to speak. What can I say, You got me. I guess I have been a little more cautious in what I put online since the frackus going on with the NSA and obviously overreacted. I should have know that someone who had been a member as long as you have would have better sense than the post indicated.

[Swampman]

That post has been around for quite some time, in slightly different forms. Every time I read it I get the mental images it is obviously meant to conjure and laugh my tail off! It's just too stinkin' funny not to laugh!

[Reverenddel]

In central Va, we simply say "Cut it from Fredericksburg up, and there ya' go".

However, when I was typing, I started thinking of the hunting, and camping I have been doing the past few years in NoVa. I've always thought about the fact that it's the "Transplants/Carpetbaggers" who have ruined it.

I love the "Come'heres", who fold right into the culture like good batter.

Just wish the Progressive/Commies would move to MARYLAND, and the Conservative/Libertarians in MARYLAND would move to NoVA! Just switch it out!

[Taggure]

All right, I apologize for jumping the gun, so to speak. What can I say, You got me. I guess I have been a little more cautious in what I put online since the frackus going on with the NSA and obviously overreacted. I should have know that someone who had been a member as long as you have would have better sense than the post indicated.

Not quite sure what you ment here, or what exactly you are trying to get at. This was just a funny story and I am pretty sure that it is not based in fact, but if it is then so be it.

[Reverenddel]

He's complimenting you on being smart enough to NOT do that...

I think?

[Snakester]

I'm just glad to read anything these days that doesn't have obama as part of the subject ! It's a good and funny read anyhow .