Infidelity in a marriage

[Mindflayer]

I recently found out that a friend's husband cheated on her multiple times and she, in vengeance, cheated on him. Seemed totally unhealthy from a physical and emotional POV. That got me thinking about infidelity nowadays - how common is it for folks to cheat on their spouses?

I was married for 14 years my first go-around, and I never once strayed, no matter just how bad it got. I am since remarried, and I stand by the same vow. I look at my in-laws and my own parents, and I believe they hold by these same standards.

Then you look at some bias piece like this: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions ... story.html and you wonder just how many folks do stray. I know of a co-worker that was using an adult hook up site.... and then found his wife on the same site.

The media likes to condemn or celebrate the lack of honor and honesty of "this generation". It just seems to me that with the hookup culture among young folks (and even adults), that infidelity would be LESS common, since once you tie the knot or commit, you've already sown your wild oats.

Just some thinking aloud... finding this out about my friend and her husband made me wonder about folks today...

[Palladin]

Guess you would have to ask yourself... do words have meaning?

[MarcSpaz]

I don't know how common it is as far as actual statistics go, but it seem fairly prevalent in people I know who are under 30 years old.

The whole subject kind of reminds me of a joke from back in high school... 97% of people admit to self-gratification, 3% lie about not doing it. Its a joke, likely not even close to accurate, but still carries weight and sounds believable.

So, if I was a gambling man, I would put money in favor of more people cheating than not.

[SHMIV]

I never could understand; if monogamy ain't your thing, why bother with marriage? Just seems silly.

I had a neighbor whose daughter married fresh out of high school. The couple decided, a few months later, that they married too young. They agreed to an "open marriage". Not surprisingly, the marriage failed.

A marriage is a commitment. It's a damn shame that modern culture doesn't value the marriage commitment. I have noticed that my parents children are generally content, happy, and well adjusted (myself included, even with my own intense flaws). My cousins, on the other hand, the children of my mothers siblings, are cynical, unhappy, not content, and hold unrealistic viewpoints on basic things. I firmly believe that the difference between us lay in our parents. My mother is the only one of her siblings that is still in her original marriage.

On a side note, when my sister agreed to marry my brother in law, she firmly stated that she did not believe in divorce, and refused to ever be divorced. She has no problem, however, with being a widow.

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[scott9050]

Been with the same woman 18 1/2 years and have never cheated. I could have multiple times as some women just do not care if you are married, but I never did and never will.

[thekinetic]

I never have but then I've never been married, or had a relationship, or anyone hit on me, and now I'm depressed!

[M1A4ME]

Too many people, weak people, need to feel better about themselves and for many, the only way they know how to accomplish it is to either make someone else off to worse than them, or no better than them.

I used to work with a guy who spent a good part of his day trying to make everyone around him look bad. That was his way of making himself look good.

If our leaders (including those who lie for them/about them - the media) won't be good Christian people then it keeps them in power if most of us are no better. How can you expect someone to be truthful, loyal, considerate, etc. if you are not yourself? If the citizens that elect them are bad people then they believe they are better off as we are no better than them.

Oh, been married to the same woman for the last 38.5 years. The longer we're together it seems the better we get along - most of the time.

[Swampman]

In 19 days I will celebrate my 29th with the same woman. We have both changed, but neither of us has strayed. The kids have moved on to their own lives about a year ago, and I finally got my wife back! It's great! We live, love and laugh together (the home-made wine helps!), and couldn't be happier. It takes effort and good role models, and they're not always in abundance. My kids have good role models, and I hope my grand-kids do too!

People who cheat, for whatever reason, are described by one word - selfish.

[MarcSpaz]

That's pretty much the root of the subject, Jim.

I have been friends with my wife for 30 years... together as a couple for 24 years come the 7th of December. Relationships are great when they are built on mutual trust and admiration that evolve into true love. I wonder if those who are selfish and cheat, do so because they didn't really get to know the one they married, and actually got married long before they could know if they were truly in love or just in lust.

Selfishness in the form of betrayal comes easy when you don't care about those you hurt.

[Monkey]

A marriage is a commitment. It's a damn shame that modern culture doesn't value the marriage commitment.

It's a shame that modern culture doesn't value commitment in general, nor is it afraid of the consequences of not honoring same commitments.

[OakRidgeStars]

I thought marriage was an institution? I'm not interested in being in an institution.

[SHMIV]

Marriage IS an institution. Marriage is also love. Love is blind. Therefore...

Marriage is an institution for the blind.

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[Nevermore1]

A marriage is a commitment. It's a damn shame that modern culture doesn't value the marriage commitment.

It's a shame that modern culture doesn't value commitment in general, nor is it afraid of the consequences of not honoring same commitments.

I have known my husband for 28 years and been married for 10. We both had other serious relationships (I was previously married, he was considering getting engaged to his last GF - we both ended those relationships for various reasons and got together about a year after my divorce). I can say that I have never strayed in any of my relationships no matter how crappy things get. Marriage isn't all perfect and wonderful all the time, I can guarantee you that my husband never expected to be living at my parents to help take care of my sick Mom and be changing and bathing her.

As for the quoted posts about commitment, I agree that kids these days don't value it or understand what it truly means. I had a younger co-worker (mid 20's) who came in all happy one day saying she needed to plan a big fancy wedding as she got engaged. Two days later she was talking about wanting "this" for her wedding and how she would do "that" for her next wedding. Some of us looked at her and asked "what next wedding you only get one". She said this was her "starter wedding" and she had no plans to stay married to this guy for more than a few years until she could find someone else and that all her friends are doing it as well. She insists that people these days need a "practice" marriage before the "real" one. Thankfully she quit so none of us had to worry about declining an invite.

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[SHMIV]

Practice marriage? I have heard of that, before, actually. When I was traveling with the carnival, I knew a couple that claimed to be Odenists. The appeal of Odenism, apparently, was the "trial marriage" that expired at the end of the year. When the marriage expired, the could visit the Odenist priest to renew for another year, or they could get a permanent marriage, or they could just go their separate ways.

Of course, I never cared enough about it to look it up, and I suppose that it's possible that he just made it up; but SHE most certainly believed it.

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[thekinetic]

Infidelity really pisses me off because I would trade it all, everything I have for the chance to have what they have squandered. I am about as loyal as they come, as a matter of fact I am bound to my oaths in that if I swear to something I will not back out even unto death. I guess it would explain why I'm alone because I value loyalty and honor. There is simply no place for those like me in the world.

A practice marriage, my god what has happened to my world, my people? And they call me sick!

[Snakester]

Practice Marriage.....Now I can say I have heard it all ! ..... You practice your GolfSwing ..... You practice with a new Firearm.....I guess on December 11th , Carol and I have been practicing for 33 years !!!

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[OakRidgeStars]

They say practice makes perfect. After 33 years, it should be pretty dang close!

[Fiddler1537]

I never have but then I've never been married, or had a relationship, or anyone hit on me, and now I'm depressed!

think of all the money you've saved!

[MarcSpaz]

Did you know that marriage is the leading cause of divorce? Household Thermostats are a close second, followed by insanity.

[thekinetic]

I never have but then I've never been married, or had a relationship, or anyone hit on me, and now I'm depressed!

think of all the money you've saved!

It's only money, and a full wallet means little with an empty heart.