Car Terminology - or the joy of having daughters

[Greybeard]

The daughter asks her father, "Dad, there’s something that my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

Her Dad replied, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his
headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."

[MarcSpaz]

My kinda dad.

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[Ironbear]

Her Dad replied, "You tell your boyfriend that, if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick,

So as long as the dipstick doesn't come out... He's OK? An awfully tolerant father!

Anyway tightening the lug nuts until the radio plays opera, sounds good to me!!!

[MarcSpaz]

Just remember, guns don't kill people, fathers of daughters kill people. Shoot the first one and the word will spread.









To all you left wing nut jobs looking to take peoples rights away.... above is what is commonly referred to as a joke. I'm not gonna shoot someone for dating my daughter, so get over it. LOL

[Reverenddel]

I have no daughters.

I have dated some daughters. Let me advise you... it ain't always the GUY who wants to CHECK THE OIL!

Just sayin'.

Maybe not YOUR daughter, but SOMEONE'S daughter!

[Swampman]

Just remember, guns don't kill people, fathers of daughters kill people. Shoot the first one and the word will spread.









To all you left wing nut jobs looking to take peoples rights away.... above is what is commonly referred to as a joke. I'm not gonna shoot someone for dating my daughter, so get over it. LOL

This has to be some kind of cosmic coincidence. The t-shirt I am wearing at present says the very same thing on it! BTW, my daughters hate this shirt. Fat lot of good it did me anyway. One is married and the other is dating.

[SHMIV]

I have no daughters, but I have sisters. One of my favorite things to do when my sisters show up with a new suitor, is to, immediately upon meeting the fellow, pull a 12 gauge round out of one pocket, a sharpee out of the other, and write the boys name on the shell. Then I oblige the boy to shake my hand and crush his fingers while I smile, glare, and mention what a pleasure it is to meet him.

Of course, the last guy that I did that to, he's fixxin to marry my baby sister next month. I guess that he'll behave himself; my mother has the round with his name on it on prominent display.

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[AlanM]

The first young man to take my oldest daughter out on an unsupervised date came into our living room to wait for her and found me cleaning my 1911.
That young man didn't cause my daughter or me any problems.
That was about 26 years ago.
I still carry that same 1911.

[WRW]

I entertained a suitor by shooting the fruit off of a pignut hickory. Well...I was entertained.

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[MarcSpaz]

This has to be some kind of cosmic coincidence. The t-shirt I am wearing at present says the very same thing on it! BTW, my daughters hate this shirt. Fat lot of good it did me anyway. One is married and the other is dating.

LOL too funny.

[dorminWS]

When my darling daughter's crowd were just starting to have boy-girl stuff as pre/early-teens, I was approached out in my backyard by a certain young man who shall remain nameless. He was nervous as prostitute in church, and poised on his bicycle as if to run at a moment's notice, he asked in a quavering voice,

""Mr. <Dormin>, can <daughter> come to my birthday party Saturday?"

Now, this young'un's daddy was a contemporary of mine and I knew him to have been a consummate hell-raiser by virtue of having raised so much hell right along with him. I was naturally concerned that the apple probably hadn't fallen too far from the tree and wanted to try to avoid having to beat the firstborn son of a former drinking and wenching companion to death.

After due consideration and by way of putting the fear of God into this boy, I asked him, " Did your daddy ever tell you what an evil son of a bitch I am?"

"Oh, Yes SIR!" he instantly replied.

"In that case", I told him, "you must understand that I will bite off your head and take a crap down your neck-hole if anything happens to her that I don't like, don't you?"

"uuhh, Yessir." he choked out.

"Well, then", I said, "with that being strictly understood, she can come to your party, and ON YOUR HEAD BE IT."

That bicycle tore out of the yard like a wild Indian going to poop. By the time it occurred to me that he'd been way to fast to agree that I was an S.O.B., he was out of sight.

But he not only got the message, he spread it among his peers. That was what I was trying to accomplish. I have always firmly believed the best thing a little girl's Daddy can do is cultivate a reputation among her circle for being meaner than a striped snake and at least a little bit crazy. Besides, I meant every word of it.

[MarcSpaz]

I'm a life-long biker and spent most of my time looking the part. Seeing a 6'2", 300+ lb, thick bearded biker in a do-rag, leather chaps and "club" vest with a big ole' handgun on the hip was about all it took for me. My leaving or arriving on my bike seemed oddly well timed whenever the little darling was expecting company. Never really had to say a word. The ones with ill intent just never seemed to come back. LOL There was a few brave ones that stuck around for a few minutes, but that was rare.

One of the ones that wouldn't leave was a convicted felon and had a drinking problem. He was out on parole and trying to "hook-up" with my daughter. I tried to help the kid out and get him on a good path, but instead of taking my help and advice, he turned into a bigger A-hole and started on some drugs.

One day, he came over the house for visit. I showed him a new gun I bought. When he picked it up, I took his picture with my cell phone... then told him if I ever saw him around my house or if he ever tried to see or talk to my daughter again, I'd make sure his PO put him back in prison for the remainder of his term. I also told him that if his parole ends and he came around... the picture was good enough for new charges.

[Ironbear]

Isn't that kind of like "Helicopter Parenting".... with an Apache gunship!!!

[MarcSpaz]

I am so not a helicopter Parent, but if you have ever seen my daughter, you would understand. She is very blessed in the looks department and the boys are non-stop trying... and it seems like there might be 2 or 3 guys on the leash at any given moment. If me making sure she doesn't end up with a bad reputation, disease, in prison, dead or me raising my grandchild is bad parenting, then I'll be a bad parent.

I'm pretty sure if your daughter dated a guy convicted of armed bank robbery, you would be bitching up a storm. Now, make that the normal kinda guy she brings home, and then see how you feel about it.

Oh, did I mention I worked for Federal Law Enforcement and having a convicted felon around the house is bad for my career?

[Swampman]

Marc - yer killin' me!

[MarcSpaz]

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