The Life and Death of a Little Dog

[zephyp]

Many of us have relationships with animals. Some of us allow them to work their way into our hearts in such a way that their loss is heavy. This past week I lost a dear little friend and companion, Bella. It's amazing how such a small creature can have such a large impact in our lives. In trying to deal with the loss I wrote it out. I share it with you as a further means to process the grief. Some of you no doubt think "why the big deal. Its only a little dog." The little dog Bella was, as I said, my dear friend and companion.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was the summer of 2008 and my ex-wife Cindy and I were tying up loose ends. We owned a house together in Maryland and I was living in Virginia. We had placed our house on the market for sale and worked together to complete this final act. I tried to go over once a week, usually on Saturday or Sunday to work in the yard to help keep the house up until it sold. One day I noticed a little brown dog sniffing around behind me as I pulled weeds from a flower bed.

"Who's this?" I asked Cindy.
"That's Bella." she replied.

I learned later that Cindy was volunteering at the local animal shelter and was there when someone brought Bella in. She was only about a year old and had a litter or puppies. Someone had abandoned her. Cindy took her home.

One day Cindy asked me as I stopped to stroke Bella "Can you imagine that anyone would abandon her?"

"No." was my only reply. She didnt know it but I had already taken a liking to Bella.

Bella was a brown Chihuahua with a little bit of black sprinkled here and there. She had sharp little ears that stuck straight up and even sharper eyes. Her legs were just a wee bit too short and her tongue was a liitle too long. She liked to lick you right in the face and always went directly for the nostrils or lips. She loved to dance on her hind legs and would walk around the kitchen floor dancing as Young prepared the morning chop-chop for her and her two friends, Bubbles and Nemo. They all knew that chop-chop meant a special meal. She was full of energy, life, and pleased to be part of a family that loved her and she loved right back.

Cindy worked for the government and would often go TDY. I wasn't surpised when she asked the first time if I would like to wactch Bella for her while she was away. Cindy and I had raised 3 small Chihauhuas while we we married and I had taken two with me, Bubbles and Nemo. She knew that I liked little Bella and would take good care of her.

I jumped at the opportunity.

During the next few months there were many changes, but one thing in my life remained a constant and that was little Bella. Cindy was a frequent traveler and each time she left Bella would stay with me and Young. She very quickly became friends with Bubbles and Nemo and tried very hard to assume the position as the head honcho. Bubbles being the senior dog took Bella in as her own. She exercised patience and restraint until Bella assumed her proper role in the pack. Bella may have been the new comer but she was always the center of attention. She demanded alot of love and gave it out freely. I dont know the full story of her abandonment but I can imagine that she had a very rough time. Nemo was also a rescue and it took him a couple of years to fully adjust so I was familiar with the cycle.

I soon found myself wishing that Bella was mine and could live with us. She was always very happy and glad to be with us. Young treated Bella as one of her own as she also did with Bubbles and Nemo. Bella soon became part of our family, but only when Cindy went away.

In the Spring of 2009 Young and I started talking about buying a home together. We lived in a small apartment that housed all of my stuff, hers, two little munchkin dogs, and three when Bella was around. We wanted more room, an investment for our retirement, a backyard for the munchkins, and most of all a home we could call our own. We finally came to a decision and started our search. I was very excited since I knew that both home prices and interest rates were very low. We set a price range and started our research. I soon discovered that many other people had the same idea and what I thought was a buyers market actually turned out to be a sellers paradise. Every house we looked at had multiple offers except one.

Young and I both liked the house and it fit our needs. It had a nice fenced back yard for our munchkins to play in and everything looked ok. It needed some work but we were convinced it would make a fine home. After a minimal amount of dickering with the seller I signed a contract and we started the wait for the seller's bank to approve the offer.

I soon recieved a call from Cindy. She wanted to know if it was ok for Bella to stay for a few days and I told her of course it was. She knew I would never refuse and I had made it clear to her that Bella would always be welcome in our home. I could tell that Cindy wanted to talk so I asked her how everything was going and if her boys were doing ok. She informed me that everyone was fine and mentioned that she wondered what to do if she ended up in a situation where it would be difficult for her to keep little Bella. I told her we would be glad to take her. I knew that Cindy was looking to move, but I had no clue what was about to happen.

The following week end Cindy called and asked if it was ok to come pick up Bella. We set a time and she knocked on the door about 30 minutes later. I knew something was amiss when I let Cindy in the front door. She was instantly greeted by three little munchkins all demanding her attention. She spent a minute or two petting and hugging them.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure. What's wrong?" I thought that perhaps something had happened to one of her boys or mother who was getting along in
years.

"It's about Bella" she said and started crying.

I knew what was coming next.

"Ok. What about her?"

Cindy explained that she had no place to keep Bella and that she couldn't really give her the attention she needed since she was gone so much. She had no back yard and kept her locked in a bathroom when she went to work.

"Can Bella stay here with you and Young?"

Young and I had previously discussed this and was eager for Bella to become part of our family. We knew that we would soon have our own place with a back yard and knew that little Bella would be happy with us and her little friends.

"Of course she can." I said and described the new home we were buying.

Cindy knew that Bella would be well taken care of and recieve all the love she needed with Young and I. She hugged Bella, Bubbles, and Nemo before turning to speak to me.

"Thank you. I know she will be happy here and that you will take good care of her."

Cindy left and I called Young with the good news about Bella.

The seller's bank finally approved our offer and closing day came. Afterwards I went to our new home and started surveying what needed to be done before we could move. Young and I decided that painting inside and refinishing the floors would be a good thing to do while the house was empty. I also had the locks upgraded, an alarm system installed, repaired the fence around the backyard, and cleaned everything to military standards. We were finally ready and scheduled a day to move.

Once I had the fence repaired I took the munchkins over so they could become acquainted with their new home. I also wanted them to "find" any holes I might have missed before we moved. They loved the backyard, epsecially Bella. She was so happy and ran back and forth with glee jumping first on me and then her two little friends. They spent most of the day exploring their new digs while I finished cleaning up inside. I was elated that Young and I finally had someplace we could call home and that the munchkins would have their own space with a nice yard to run and play.

Young and I spent much of our time packing boxes while waiting for the big day. Rain was predicted for our moving day, but it held off until the movers completed their assigned task. The first drops began to fall just as they were pulling out of our new driveway. That day was Wednesday and it rained and drizzled non stop for the next 3 days.

By Saturday night the rain clouds were replaced with a clear sky. It was still wet, but Young and I spent a little while out side with the munchkins. Before letting them back inside Young wiped their feet with a small towel. We put them to bed and headed the same way for a night of rest.

After Young went to work Sunday morning I continued to work on the kitchen sink. Replacing the sink, faucets, and plumbing underneath was my first big chore. It turned out to be a nightmare, which I won't describe. I stopped for a break and decided to call my cell phone provider to solve some problems I had been experiencing. That too turned out bad so I returned
to work on the sink.

By the time Young came home I had managed to remove the old sink and was working to get the new one installed. We took a break for dinner and then let the munchkins out. I was working on the new sink and Young was trying to get our little ones inside.

"I can't find Bella" she said as I tried to get my head from beneath the counter.

I put my shoes on and headed outside. We searched the back yard and there was no sign of Bella. We went to the front yard and Young went one way and I went the other calling out for Bella. After several minutes of frantic searching and asking neighbors coming out to see what was going on if they had seen Bella I grabbed my truck keys. I knew she had to be somewhere close and decided to drive around the neighborhood. We turned left and I saw a group of people standing on the side of the street that bordered the park.

I rolled down my window.

"Have you seen a little brown dog?"

A man pointed to the side of the street and said "Park here please" as he pointed towards the woods. I thought he was trying to tell us that Bella had ran into the woods.

I parked the truck and jumped out expecting to run into the woods after Bella. Instead I saw a young man rise from the side of the street with a small white trash bag.

"Do you have a white dog?" he asked.

"No. A little brown one. Have you seen her?" I anxiously replied.

He held out the bag. I tore it open with trembling hands to find little Bella nestled inside. I sank to my knees and a moan escaped my lips.

"Bella. No!"

I lifted her little body from the bag and cradled her in my arms hoping she was merely knocked out. Her head lolled to one side and I knew in my heart that she had already passed from this world to the next. I stumled back to my truck clinging to Bella and climbed into the passenger's seat. I held my ear against her little chest praying for a heart beat. There was none. I was stunned and sobbing. Young drove us home.

When we got home I asked Young to bring a towel. I placed the towel on a box we had yet to unpack and then Bella on the towel. Her fur was rumpled and mussed. Other than a very small nick on one shoulder there were no other marks on her little body. I stayed there with her for a long time crying and stroking her until Young finally coaxed me inside.

I removed Bella's collar, covered her with the towel and put my favorite hat that I had been wearing on top. The garage door closed and I went inside.

I spent some time in the munchkin room. Bubbles was clearly upset and kept watching the door for Bella. She would look at me and then stare at the door expectantly. I spent time loving on her and Nemo and headed for bed.

Needless to say Sunday night was sleepless until about 3am. When I woke I hurried downstairs hoping to find Bella dancing at the garage door as she waited for the morning chop-chop. The towel and hat were of course undisturbed. I couldnt bear to look at her and closed the door.

I went to the computer to send Cindy an e-mail. I would have called her but all the data from my phone had been lost the previous day while trying to solve technical problems. I opened my mail and was greeted by a message from Cindy. The subject line had one word: "Bella"

My broken heart fell again. I immediately assumed that Cindy would be asking if she could come visit the munchkins. I opened the message to find that the person who struck Bella had called her. I had forgotten that Bella's collar still had a tag with Cindy's number and address.

The message simply said:

"Please let us know about the puppies; the woman who called said Bella was hit and killed when they swerved to avoid another dog that was with her. Bella was left on the side of the road; hopefully you got her. Heartsick. Hope Bubby and Nemo are with you."

We were heartbroken and so was Cindy. I was so sorry that she had to hear the news from someone else, especially the person that struck her. I sent a note to Cindy and got ready for work.

That afternoon I left work early. I had to get home while there was still plenty of light to take care of Bella. I headed for Home Depot. I needed a shovel, but it had obviously never occurred to me that I would buy one to bury one of the munchkins. I selected a shovel and pick and headed home to bury my little friend.

I had already thought about where to bury her. The back yard has a shed in one corner and I thought that might be a good place for her. As I was changing my clothes I was looking out the window at the spot I had selected. The back yard is full of large trees and mostly shaded. A solitary sun beam lay brightly across the spot I planned to place Bella. It was a small miracle and perfect. Little did I know that another miracle waited in the garage.

After I finished preparing Bella's grave I went to my truck and opened the garage door. I know that some of you might be hoping that I will say Bella scampered out wagging her tail, but this is a true story and Bella was indeed dead. The hat and towel were still unmoved but I was greeted by something else. I didnt want to look at her but I had to say good bye and spend a few more minutes with her. I pulled the towel away expecting to find her rumpled little body inside. Instead it looked as if she had just come from spending an hour with a professional groomer. I could tell that she had been washed and dried. Her fur had been brushed to a high sheen. It was truly astounding and she looked so beautiful. I realize some of you may think that I am crazy or that this is some sort of natural phenomena. The more logical reader will immediately conclude that Young spent time preparing her after I went to sleep. I immediately thought otherwise and it never occurred to me at the time that Young might have cleaned and groomed Bella.

Later, I thought about this after Cindy mentioned it and asked her.

"Did you see Bella after I went to sleep?"

"Yes. I thought I heard her crying and I went down to the garage to see about 3:30 this morning."

"Did you look at Bella?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Did you notice anything strange?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact I did. She looked like she had been cleaned and brushed. Did you do that?"

"No, I didn't"

I realized the moment I saw little Bella on that towel in the garage that God had sent angels to clean her so she would look beautiful for me and Young. I said my goodbyes and carried her to the back yard. Bubbles knew immediately who was in the towel. She waited for me to lay her on the ground and nosed the towel open so she could see her little friend. I let Bubbles say good bye and wrapped the towel around Bella for the final time. I put her in a box I had placed in the grave, closed it and put a large flat stone on top. I filled her grave carefully with my hands trying not to let any dirt get inside the box. Once the task was completed I stood there for a long time. I was still stunned and could not believe that she was gone. My little friend Bella was now buried in the back yard that she loved so much.

I know that Bella will come to visit me from time to time. I still love her dearly and she is still my treasured friend and compantion. It will be a long time before the pain and grief passes away. I miss her dearly, but I know that Bella will be waiting for me when I too pass from this world to the next.

[Palladin]

+1 on having the opportunity to know a good dog...

[herohog]

I grow VERY close to my pets. I grieve for years over their loss. I am having a rough day today with this. God bless those who attend to Gods creatures.

[Vahunter]

ahhh DK I'm so sorry.
Sherri

[allingeneral]

DK - we just had something terrible happen to one of our puppies a couple of weeks ago and this story... I'm so sorry.

Shelley and I had had Max for about 4 months. He was a white pomeranian and he was a bouncing, happy little guy that did the tongue-up-the-nose thing. He slept with us at night and was such a cuddly little guy. He had a bad habit of going out to the back yard where our three boxers lived and picking on them, trying to act like he was the big dog. I told him on several occasions that he needed to stay out of there or he was going to get hurt.

One morning, I went to work and didn't think about making sure that Max was inside - I had a meeting to get to early that morning and I rushed out the door. When Shelley got home that afternoon, she searched and searched for Max. She called me and asked if I had any idea where he might be. I asked if she had checked the boxers' pen since he liked to go in there and act like a big dog. She called me back about 5 minutes later in hysterics telling me that the boxers had killed Max. I hung up the phone and hurried home as fast as I could. It took me about 20 minutes to get home and when I pulled up the driveway, there was Shelley with Max wrapped up in a blanket. It was a sad evening. I went and got the shovel out of the garage and buried him in the blanket right next to where the head of our bed butts against the outer wall of the house.

So, now you know the story about why our three boxers needed to find new homes.

[zephyp]

Rick, am so sorry to hear that...My heart goes out to you and your family...dk

[zephyp]

ahhh DK I'm so sorry.
Sherri

Thank you, Sherri. She was my little friend and I will miss her.

[zephyp]

I grow VERY close to my pets. I grieve for years over their loss. I am having a rough day today with this. God bless those who attend to Gods creatures.

I do too, Speedy. They are part of my family. Take care...dk

[Vahunter]

DK I feel for ya. I went through the same thing a few years ago, lost my beagle when she was hit by a car. I shed a tear everytime I walk by her headstone.

[zephyp]

DK I feel for ya. I went through the same thing a few years ago, lost my beagle when she was hit by a car. I shed a tear everytime I walk by her headstone.

Thanks, Henry. I appreciate that. It does hurt but I'll be ok and life will go on. She was such a little dog but brought alot of joy into our home. My other two little ones are still upset.

[Hiwaytahell]

DK, my wife and I feel for your loss. We are both animal lovers. It will take a while to get over my friend... but hang in there. You have the support of your friends here.

[jadedone4]

... for those who take in rescued animals; you have provided a better life for them - and in return they will better your life.

Sorry to hear about all of the losses mentioned here. The wife and I rescued a GSD four-years ago; the SOB who had her, was deemd to be criminally-insane, and threatened to do bodily harm to himself and others. The GSD wasn't even in the house yet; and she made her mark, she took to my wife, and then upon meeting my mother for the first time, just nuzzled up in the truck from the back seat, placed paw on mom's arm and laid her face down - game over; both females in my life were hooked - and I was (as usual) outnumbered.

The GSD earned her points with me, one morning at 0415hrs, she was barking like crazy at me while I was asleep; woke up to "white-light" pain; went to ER - BP was at stroke-levels from a severe migraine, CT scan later, demerol and some oxygen - 12hrs at the hospital before the "all-clear." Don't care what happens, but if the GSD needs me - I'll hold the SOB down, while she puts in her teeth to bite if I have to; she'll be around for awhile.

[zephyp]

DK, my wife and I feel for your loss. We are both animal lovers. It will take a while to get over my friend... but hang in there. You have the support of your friends here.

Thank you for your kind words, Bruce. I do appreciate them and all of you...dk

[zephyp]

Jadedone - glad to hear you're a resuer too. Little Bella was a rescue and she showed it. I couldnt move without her right at my heels if I left the room. It seemed her eyes never left me to make sure she didnt miss a beat. One of my others, Nemo is also a rescue. He was badly abused. I've had him now for about 4 years and he's still adjusting. Most people dont reaize it but these little creaturs are truly man's best friend. I've never had a little friend let me down.

[SgtBill]

Sorry for your loss DK. I know how you feel. Over the past few years Sharon and I have lost her German Shepard (Cody) and I have lost my Rottwieler (Daisy) you most likely did not notice the 2 gravestones in the back yard when you were here. All of our Dog's over the past 36 years were in fact our family members and the loss was great when they left us and they can never be replaced only remembered in a loveing manner.
Bill

[40shooter]

Sorry for your loss DK, I had a dog way back when I was young, her name was DeeDee. After we lost her I was never the same, I know you will never ever forget Bella.

[zephyp]

Sorry for your loss DK. I know how you feel. Over the past few years Sharon and I have lost her German Shepard (Cody) and I have lost my Rottwieler (Daisy) you most likely did not notice the 2 gravestones in the back yard when you were here. All of our Dog's over the past 36 years were in fact our family members and the loss was great when they left us and they can never be replaced only remembered in a loveing manner.
Bill

Bill, thank you for your kind words. Bella will definitely be remembered in a loving way. I will miss her dearly. She was my friend and companion...dk

[zephyp]

Sorry for your loss DK, I had a dog way back when I was young, her name was DeeDee. After we lost her I was never the same, I know you will never ever forget Bella.

Thanks, John. I lost my first one (Coco) on the 4th of July several years ago. Her passing wasnt sudden and I knew she was going to die. Bella's death was unexpected. Needless to say I am still stunned. We had only been here 4 days and it rained for most of them. We were all stuck inside. I only wish she could have spent more time running around the back yard she enjoyed so much. Now she will stay there forever...dk

[Paliden]

Zephyp, it took me a while before I could post to you. Unless you have a pet you don't relize how much they can become just like a child to you. Alot of people don't nor will ever understand the love you develope over time to your pet. I'm sorry to here about Bella and my heart goes out to you. I've lost to dogs and it's broken my heart, even today I struggle today trting to decide on another. I'm just not sure I can go throught it again.
May God be with you and Bella

[BluemontGlock]

Awe hells...
(warning: i am about to be human)

so when I was a younger man and a military dependant, I almost made my father miss his port of call b/c we couldn't take our dog "Liquer"( got the name b/c she liked to lick everyone ), who was a solid 31 flavors of canine, at least...to Japan... she had come with us to Germany, but had gotten over 10 so the knock out drugs and the length of trip was not recommended for her... it was my protest... he -almost- killed me, let alone the grief that I got from my brother and sisters for the atmosphere I created around the house...she stayed back with my brother while I went off to Japan...

We did get 2 dogs that were brothers in Japan, & yep, they ate fish and rice...that was Buster and Oleo, and a different story...this is about Liq...who found us in a 1.5 ft snow storm in Burlington MA. ... it was around the holidays, and when she showed up with no collar, tags, etc... I said those magical words " DAD, ...can we keep her..."

She always slept in a sunbeam on the hood or roof of the cars in the driveway as that was the warmest spot...we didn't have a new car in our driveway for years... and I couldn't fathom as a kid with as strident a father that I had, why he put up with paw prints and claw scratches on his cars, and seemed to not care a bit... probably the only thing from my childhood that I can remember that he didn't care about...

any way, for the first few days after we returned from overseas, she was distant and kinda miffed at me for "dropping out" of the pack for 2 years...and she dodged me and wouldn't really come near me...and then, cause I was sleeping in living room of my brother house while waiting for the BOQ accommodations to come together, she came to me in the middle of the night, nuzzled in close and climbed in my lap, and since we are on the old aluminum cots, it was a bit of a squeaking cacophony...and dad, who is sleeping in a cot next to me says " Keep it down..." and I said " its was Liq getting into bed with me"...he sat up, turned on the light and we sat there rubbing on her ears and petting her at 2 am, it is one of the fondest memories I have of anything, ever....as my father never got out of bed for anything or anyone, except his dogs...

We went to sleep that night, in our aluminum cots, and I thought that all was right with the world, for a moment...as I had been re-accepted back in to the pack... the next day while she was walking with my brother, down trail she had been down a thousand times, she ran off, as old dogs will do...she knew her time was coming and she wasn't going to leave mad or leave me with any regrets...apparently she stopped, looked back at my brother, barked once, and turned and left the pack forever...

It took me many years to really comprehend the situation in its entirety...and years to apologies to my brother for all the ugly things I said to him over the following weeks...I wanted so bad to blame him, but it just was what it was...I was too young to know or act better...it was my first love lost.

I have had many dogs since Liquer but none so intuitive, so intelligent, none with such an air of dignity, she had more personality that people that I knew, and she was a great listener to the drama of a child, but she always came back for more and no matter how serious the situation, she could still come out with mud on her nose and she just thought it all was just dandy...

she always walked the perimeter of the yard, of whatever house we were in, as they changed often,,, and I would ask what she is doing, and dad would say "she is patrolling for polar bears" ...and I would say "POLAR BEARS???"...and he would say "do you see any Polar bears?"...I say "NOPE!"... he would smile, shake his head, shrug, and say "Is THAT Dog amazing or what...?"

to this day, whenever my father tells a story, which is every time you see him, he will clarify the time period by which dog he had...

family members? at the very least...So remember well,
these companions that choose us so deftly that we actually believe that it is us choosing them, as evidentially they can manipulate the fates...and I have seen nothing thus far to discount that ability...

So here is a a high toast to Bella and Liq and all the rest of the fine canine hounds that have gone before us, may they rest in peace, nearly as well as they rested in life...as I said Liq was an artist in that regard.

I try to not be sad at their passing, but to take heart for the richness of the fabric of my life because of their addition...
it doesn't work,...but I try...


Take note and Carry On.