New Oaths of Enlistment

[Moccasin]

Since we have the pledge to serve Obama thread I though we should look at the "new" Oaths of Enlistment. Well, here they are:

U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. I understand that atleast twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, and recieve no thanks or notice form the public. I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.! I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD.

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US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

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US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

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US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer,! and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

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US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

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[allingeneral]

Long live Neptune! (and Davey Jones!) (and all ye present!)

[Moccasin]

Long live Neptune! (and Davey Jones!) (and all ye present!)

Ummmm, sounds like that is from crossing the equator. Shellback isn't it, for those that have done so?

[allingeneral]

Long live Neptune! (and Davey Jones!) (and all ye present!)

Ummmm, sounds like that is from crossing the equator. Shellback isn't it, for those that have done so?

Aye Aye! Kiss the Baby, I did! Arrrrrrr!

[Paliden]

OK let's do one better! Obama want us to take an oath, here's YOUR challenge. Pick one of the above and take that oath. If you serviced before that the oath again!!! I'll lead.

US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Paliden swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

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Date9/6/2009

Now the real deal:
I Paliden do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to the regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

[Hiwaytahell]

[Vahunter]

It could be so much truth to those that it's scarey.

[GS78]

I doubt there will be any reason to swear any oath from now on. We are now, as a nation, only a few "czars" short of a full blown communist state. I really think all of the fine men and women who have served and died or given their flesh for the REPUBLIC have done so in vain.

[Paliden]

I doubt there will be any reason to swear any oath from now on. We are now, as a nation, only a few "czars" short of a full blown communist state. I really think all of the fine men and women who have served and died or given their flesh for the REPUBLIC have done so in vain.

I for one am not ready to lower the flag.

[zephyp]

I doubt there will be any reason to swear any oath from now on. We are now, as a nation, only a few "czars" short of a full blown communist state. I really think all of the fine men and women who have served and died or given their flesh for the REPUBLIC have done so in vain.

Can't allow that to happen. That's why we must fight the good fight and use every means at our disposal - at every opportunity - to fully and decisively engage the democratic process.

It works. Van jones is an excellent example.

[VBshooter]

GS78 wrote

I doubt there will be any reason to swear any oath from now on. We are now, as a nation, only a few "czars" short of a full blown communist state. I really think all of the fine men and women who have served and died or given their flesh for the REPUBLIC have done so in vain."

If the founders of this country and generations after them had thought like this we wouldn;t be here, That sort of thinking does no one a bit of good. Negative thinking serves only to give the oppositon confidence that they are weakening the people who would fear them , Like others here I will never give in or give up fighting the things that would destroy our freedom and all that we would hold dear to our hearts. We oppose oppression , We are free men!

[zephyp]

GS78 wrote

I doubt there will be any reason to swear any oath from now on. We are now, as a nation, only a few "czars" short of a full blown communist state. I really think all of the fine men and women who have served and died or given their flesh for the REPUBLIC have done so in vain."

If the founders of this country and generations after them had thought like this we wouldn;t be here, That sort of thinking does no one a bit of good. Negative thinking serves only to give the oppositon confidence that they are weakening the people who would fear them , Like others here I will never give in or give up fighting the things that would destroy our freedom and all that we would hold dear to our hearts. We oppose repression , We are free men!

I agree.

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. ~Thomas Paine

We have hard work to do if we want our rights, liberties, and freedoms. There is a process and it works. Make your voice heard - loudly, wisely, and often - and not only here. Put those words in the ears of our legislators until their heads ache from the sound and they bend to the will of our Founders. That is the only way IMO that we will remain free. Teach your children to do the same.

[Revolverx]

GS78 wrote

I doubt there will be any reason to swear any oath from now on. We are now, as a nation, only a few "czars" short of a full blown communist state. I really think all of the fine men and women who have served and died or given their flesh for the REPUBLIC have done so in vain."

If the founders of this country and generations after them had thought like this we wouldn;t be here, That sort of thinking does no one a bit of good. Negative thinking serves only to give the oppositon confidence that they are weakening the people who would fear them , Like others here I will never give in or give up fighting the things that would destroy our freedom and all that we would hold dear to our hearts. We oppose repression , We are free men!

[wylde007]

I really thought that first post might go somewhere else, given the thread title... now I'm kinda glad a took the time.

I'm not going to give the "commentary" everyone's probably cringing in wait... I'll just give it a chuckle and move along.

[eagleye44]

"Aye Aye! Kiss the Baby, I did! Arrrrrrr!"

Ugh! What a disgusting memory. Wouldn't have it any other way though. Glad I did it.
Arrrrrrrr!

[zephyp]

I really thought that first post might go somewhere else, given the thread title... now I'm kinda glad a took the time.

I'm not going to give the "commentary" everyone's probably cringing in wait... I'll just give it a chuckle and move along.

Hey, Travis. I did too and got a good laugh from the one for the MC. I've met some that were almost just like that, but there are knuckle draggers in every branch.

[navvet]

Long live Neptune! (and Davey Jones!) (and all ye present!)

Ummmm, sounds like that is from crossing the equator. Shellback isn't it, for those that have done so?

Aye Aye! Kiss the Baby, I did! Arrrrrrr!

Im a shellback. Became one in 1971.